AN ENCORE OF CLUB HORRORS, BY POPULAR DEMAND
By Rich Unger
Not a week goes by that I do not receive "Kudos" for my relating
incidents, situations, stories and problems that are told to me by the
Owners, Managers, and DJs of clubs, bars, lounges all over the US and
So here we go:
LET ME STATE THAT I OFFERED TO HELP ALL OF THESE ESTABLISHMENTS, ONLY TO
HAVE MY OFFER FALL ON DEAF
A. A Providence, Rhode Island Nightclub Owner is going to hold a
promotion that involves writing numbers on pieces of paper and putting
the numbers in a fishbowl.
Then he is going to draw one of the numbers at 1 am to find out who won
what he is giving away.
He is going to hold this weekly event every Wednesday Night and also tie
in a "SIN" aka Service Industry Night along with this giveaway.
He thinks that local Hospitality Employees will come to his club on Hump
Night, because he is offering this giveaway?
I did some research of over 1200 Bars, Clubs, Lounges, Pubs, Taverns,
and I could not find one single establishment that has a "SIN" on a
This Owner is only open Three Nights a week now, and seriously has no
clue how to pack a club, how to attract hot women, he can't find a
decent DJ, he plays "hip hop" and then complains about the crowd it
attracts, he has the worse web site for a club I have seen in quite some
time, I mean why put up a site that looks like a College midterm test?
Boring, dull, stale, and worse of all you would not even know the site
is for a nightclub.
This is the perfect profile of the "ARTALO" aka Arrogant Refuses To
Accept Logic Owner.
B. Next is the DJ in a Bar again in New England, this time
Massachusetts, the DJ has his heart, soul and mind totally dedicated to
turning this bar around.
But, the Owners are in major denial.
They refuse to listen to any input he offers.
They refuse to accept that their current format is a loser.
Yet, they will give him their Saturday Nights for just four weeks to
either pack them and profit from the door or they take the night back.
The only problem with this proposition is, Their Saturday Nights are
dead right now, nobody is even frequenting this bar, it will take four
weeks of nonstop marketing and not flyers or radio to even make
potential patrons aware of an upcoming promotion.
I pleaded with this DJ to quit and find a gig at a Club that has an
Owner who is clear thinking, open minded and not pinching pennies, while
he is losing dollars.
Why work where the Owners do not appreciate your passion for their club?
C. The Owner of a Restaurant/Bar in Connecticut wants to know how he can
take his bar and the rest of his space at night and make it into a night
Simple, just do it !!!!!
Every Restaurant/Bar should realize the easiest money, the best return
on your establishments is in the liquor not the food.
When your done serving at 10pm, your entire Restaurant should take on an
entirely different persona as a night life venue.
This Owner says to me " but I don't think it will work".
I said to him " There is no way it won't work, unless you are not
willing to convert your food operation into a drinkatainment concept
when the kitchen closes?
He states further, "but I don't know anything about night life", my
response, very simple, "let me show you the way to packed nights and a
cash cow, you never envisioned".
Are you ready for his final response............drum roll
please............."Let me think about it".
Why would any Restaurant/Bar Owner in these challenging and difficult
times, not to want to increase his cash flow by 100% without all the
overhead of operating the kitchen??????????
D. Then there's a Club in New York City, that is a take off on the "Porky's
In fact the establishment has the name "Porky's" in it.
They are not packing them in like the movie did or still is selling, not
The Promotions Manager cries out for help, stating their Weeknights are
dead, I mean a morgue and their Happy Hour is more like Unhappy Hours.
Their idea of "FUN" is presenting Vanilla Ice".
But wait, it's get worse,like leaving past promotions up, on their web
site a week after the event took place.
Like giving out free movie passes to "THE SHOOTER" with Mark Wahlberg on
their web site.
The movie was a bomb before it was even released.
I mean what is this Club in The Big Apple Thinking?
Did they have a PREMIER PARTY with the former MARKIE MARK in person?
No of course not.
Their web site is about as exciting as a nude Karl Rove.
I give them great advice on how to turn this pig into Premium Pork, but
they once again take the procrastinating approach and do absolutely
nothing to turn panic into profits.
They feature Rock Karaoke and expect the place to be packed?
They start their Happy Hour at 5pm, which is wayyyyyyy too late.
What a shame that in the heart of New York City this establishment is
just drifting, like swamp water.
They have no "FUN", no "WOW", and how can they be packed with a line
outside, when they have a Promotions Manager who does nothing to pack,
what should be a very hot New York City Night Spot?
I even tried, to motivate the Owners, all to no avail.
Expect this Space to be available within a year or two tops.
My question is why is the gentleman still the Promotions Manager?
I mean if you can't make it in NYC with this kind of concept, he really
should be learning how to make pancakes at IHOP.
E. Then there is the Nightclub Owner in Kansas, with a former Theater he
spent wayyyyyyyy too much money renovating, his Club is dead, he chased
out the thugs and doesn't know how to bring in the Women and the
He has a beautiful club two levels with no patrons.
He lives two hours away from his Club and has a Manager who has no clue
how to execute and present Premier Promotions.
He has one promotion planned for April that he is going to utilize 30
second spots on radio,( someone please poke my eye out) and newspaper
ads for to reach his market.
This Promotion will sadly just about break-even, due to his lack of what
marketing, what advertising it takes to pack clubs in 2007 and beyond.
He does not even have a single Promotion planned for May or June.
His Wife is doing the DJ programming.
Her experience, listening to the radio
He wants to spend $30,000. putting a kitchen in, and expanding his
format with a "GRILL" operation, but he can't even pack the three Nights
a Week he is open now by serving liquor.
Why on earth this Owner did not let me give him the direction defies
even a Mensa Member?
F. Ah, in my own City of Sarasota, our Million dollar plus not a Year
old Nightclub is now offering 75 cent drinks on Friday Nights all Night
and of course, why not let 18 and up Females only in as well.
"FUN" ? They never heard of it.
"WOW" ? They think that, is selling a drink that is not 75 cents.
Again, this from a brand new Club, not one year old, that has over
$1,000,000. invested in it.
If your a brand new Club and your not packed on Friday Nights without
giving away the bar and letting minor girls in, you have serious, I mean
detrimental problems that you are ignoring and
attempting to circumvent.
G. The following is an email sent to me verbatim, word for word,
"Hi Rich, I have read your Articles/Comments and it appears as if these
written for me.
I thought you were totally wrong and didn't know what you were talking
But I stand here today to be honest, admitting my misjudgments.
I am guilty of trying all the "Dead Horses", but with very limited
I thought cheap drinks, free cover charge and a DJ I knew was not
spinning the right music would not hurt my dance hall, but I find my
Club and Myself in a downward spiral over the last two months.
Please contact me.
F. Finally, THIS ONE WINS "The Richie's MOST REDICULIOUS WAY OF RUNNING
A NIGHTCLUB TITLE".
The least sensible way to promote a Night ,I have ever heard of.
A club in Joplin, Missouri, On Tuesday Nights not only do they offer the
worse drink specials, but are you ready for this?
They pay each girl who comes into the club $10 cash.
Why would any club pay female Patrons to come into their club?
It's not a Cover Charge, it's a begging fee.
CAN YOU SAY DESPERATE????????????????
Cheap drinks, and ON YOUR KNEES PLEADING, by paying each female patron
$10 to come into the Club.
By the time you take into account the $10 a Female pay out, along with
the cost of the liquor and the giveaway of 50 cent drinks and $1 drinks,
what are these Owners thinking?
Their web site is hideous, they still have their St Patrick's Day
Promotion up and it's May.
And you question, why I am frustrated with Owners and Promotion Managers
who have no clue?
I MEAN YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF
IT'S MAY, YOU SHOULD LAUNCH YOUR SUMMER "BIKINI BASH" OVER MEMORIAL DAY
RUN THIS EVENT TILL LABOR DAY AND PACK YOUR
THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH NO BEER, NO DRINK SPECIALS.
BUY OUR BIKINIS NOW, GIVE EACH YOUNG LADY WHO ENTERS A FREE BIKINI JUST
FOR ENTERING, HAVE YOUR BEER AND LIQUOR VENDORS PAY FOR THE BIKINIS.
MAKE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WEEKLY, ON A NIGHT YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE.
WHAT THE 2007 PROFILE OF THE NEW BAR, NEW CLUB NEW LOUNGE NEW SPORTS BAR
OWNER SHOULD BE:
The Top Ten Character Traits:
1. Your most valuable asset in this industry is your reputation
what is yours?
2. The importance of knowing what you need when?
3. Being "INTOUCH" with your own market and your competition
4. Hiring sharp staff and not just warm bodies to fill positions
5. As Mark Twain said with a revised quote with my input " I can teach
anybody how to get what they want out of this industry, the problem
is, most Owners can't tell me what they want?"
6. Realizing when times get tough, the right marketing isn't an expense
it's a profit maker.
7. Having the insight to change your format when business slows down.
8. Knowing how to break away from the pack and stand out as the Premier
Place to be.
9. Get the lead out and stop procrastinating, make it HAPPEN.
10. Becoming a competent Conflict Leader to deal with and defuse
situations, crisis, and problems.
Bottom line, if you can't respond positively to these Top Ten Character
Traits, then call me now at 941-921-7027, say "Rich Unger, I want your
Or email, RichUnger@promotingnightclubs.com
Or, ignore the obvious and lose MONEY, PATRONS, NIGHTS, IMAGE, ENERGY.
I mean it's as simple as